I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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