There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
