I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
