Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
