did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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