Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
