i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
