You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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