I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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