That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
