Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
