At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
