i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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