DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
