16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
