They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
