He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
