i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
