By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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