he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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