there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
