I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
4 words: hood of his car
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
