I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
