No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
