my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
