I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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