I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
