Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
