I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
