I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
