last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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