Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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