Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Quick, to the slutcave!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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