i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
