youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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