one two three fourrrrnication!
I cockslap morals
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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