Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
