From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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