so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I AM VODKA MAN
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
