Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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