my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
