I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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