look no pants
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
