I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
