I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
