I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
