you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
