Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
