my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
