I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
