At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
