I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
