yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
