i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
