That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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