elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
