I hate all girls vehemently.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
