I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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