he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
