i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
