u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
